Hi, my name is Neil (Joey) Horsfield. I was born in Wombwell back in 1956. I moved to Bridgwater in 1986 and still live there now. As frank says I am the quiet one. My hobbies are golf (handicap 3 — not bad for an old crooner), and also I am the strolling anchor man for the Bridgwater and district tug-of-war team and fruit bottle extraordinaire to the house of chatterly.

A little bit about myself. The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My Father was a Methodist and my Mother was a Spiritualist — which, I suppose, makes me a Methyalated Spirit!

Joey always knew that if the modelling work dried up, he could always go back to golfing

My brother would come home drunk late at night and insist on cutting my hair; then make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.

Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy — the sort of general malaise that genius possesses and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon; lounge lessons in the fall; and in the spring all the family would make pith helmets. All pretty standard stuff really

It's not surprising that with a background like this I emerged as a keen golfer. My proudest golfing moment being the winning of "The Allcomers Viagra Challenge Cup"... where I received a standing ovation that lasted 7 hours... In fact, it was so windy on the golf course that day that I saw these Siamese twins looking for each other!!... Follow the link to a few (more) golfing jokes.

Hope this has given you an insight into my mind. I also hope these Fat Pack trips go on forever, as they really are gasses, baby. My biggest fear is that one day we will all end up as alcoholics with Alzheimer's, unable to remember where we left our drinks!