Well, it's Barnsley two, Crewe nil, and if the score says this way, I've got to fancy Barnsley for the win.
  You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.
  He had an eternity to play the ball, but took too long.
  If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.
  And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.
  I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other needs to score two to win.
  And with the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.
  Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.
  If that had gone in, it would have definitely been a goal.
  Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colours; almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

If these silly but true remarks amused you, and you know of more, I would be grateful if you e-mail them to me.

Finally, here is my all time favourite..... Asked for a quick word for the press, the footballer replied "Velocity".

That's a big thing you've got there Sammy!


'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
- David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.'
- Mark Viduka

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.'
- Ronnie Whelan

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.'
- David Beckham

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.'
- Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.'
- Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.'
- Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.'
- Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
- Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.'
- Stan collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.'
- Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
- Ugo Ehiogu

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.'
- Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
- Stuart Pearce

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.'
- Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- Ian Rush

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.'
- Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.'
- Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.'
- David Beckham

'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.'
- Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
- Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
- Thierry Henry

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.'
- Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
- Gary Lineker