Now everyone knows about the Chairman's leadership qualities and Dino's drinking skills; so I am the first to admit, baby, in those departments I ain't even in the same in league. But... When it comes to the opposite sex, those cats are strictly amateurville!

I am not known as The Loverman for nothing. All that the other guys want to do is talk about themselves and that gets 'em nowhere. Ya gotta listen to what the ladies have to say — and lay of the booze. Remember, it's because of booze, that what you could once do all night, now takes all night to do!!

So here are few tips from old Smokey, the original loverman. (Shaba Ranks eat your heart out!)

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a pretty good hand."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? — " Me neither."

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your vacation at the taxidermist."

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 62 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL convertible."

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."


This has been a busy month for me, apart from working on a musical with Peter, I have also finished the 2nd part of my biography called, "I Keep Forgetting I Forgot About You."

This will be a sequel to the first volume of my biography called, "If Drinking don't Kill Me Her Memory Will."

I would like to thank Brent for writing this moving preface for my new book and kindly letting me reprint here.

I met her in a jail cell sort of pregnant;
I can still recall the stolen goods she wore;
She was talkin' in Swahili but I loved her,
and I knew I'd never rate her more than "4";
I knew deep down I'd hate her dog forever;
She said to me her basset hound was shy;
But who'd have thought she'd bobsled while in labor;
I now can kiss my credit cards goodbye.

Thanks Brent you are truly a deep and profound friend.


Also the first 100 people to buy my new book,will have their names entered into a draw to win my beautiful 4 poster bed.